Who's holding you back?

Chances are, when you open your eyes wide and look around, you will realize that, ultimately the only person who can hold you back is yourself.

However you may not be aware that the silent, stealthy determinant of your (in)ability to act is in fact your very own value/belief system.

Once we have formed a basic value or belief, unless challenged, we will continue to live our life in accordance with the rule of that belief. For example, if we have accepted or decided that we are ‘not the sporty type’; we will filter any new information that comes our way in the form of ‘evidence’ to support the belief. If approached to participate in a sporting event for charity, we might say, ‘that’s not my sort of thing’; or even ‘that’s not me’. And even if we were persuaded to join in a charity run, we would not set ourselves any goal other than to bring up the rear and cross the line… eventually!

This ‘blinkeredness’ happens due to the workings of the ‘Reticular Activating System’ (RAS), a cluster of brain cells that act like a radar system activated by our beliefs or goals. The RAS filters in information that is consistent with what we believe, and filters out anything that does not support our thoughts; which we then back up by using self- talk in the form of negative automatic thoughts (NATs) such as ‘I knew that was going to happen’; ‘That always happens to me’; ‘I’m no good at doing that sort of thing.’
 Together, our RAS and self-talk form a ‘comfort zone’ that represents the limits of our ability, as based on our life- long held beliefs. And here we will stay, in the ‘comfort’ of ‘I can’t’ until we change it and actually saying, well perhaps ‘I can’! This self-limiting cycle is not indestructible! Positive change starts with becoming aware of the beliefs that serve to hold us back and then raising to the challenge of positive change.

We can actually choose consciously to set ourselves free of our self- limiting beliefs by subscribing to new, positive values and beliefs.

That’s not to say that we can magically overcome the facts of a situation, but we can choose how to respond to the facts – in a positive or a negative way. We are responsible for setting the parameters of our filters and we are very highly tuned into the thoughts and /or feelings that act as trip switches affecting our motivation. For example as much as I love the thought of becoming a world- class athlete – the odds are really against me given my age; current level of fitness; and family and business responsibilities. However, these same factors bear no such constraints on my ability to embark on a personal fitness regime, which will result in me feeling fitter, healthier and generally happier about my lot in life, if I so choose.

I can choose to just step onto the cross- trainer and programme in 40 minutes of fat burning, knowing that however I feel at the moment, I will feel energized and pleased with myself in 40 minutes time (positive trip switch); or I can tell myself I haven’t got the time or energy to do that today, what with everything else on my agenda, (negative trip switch) and pour myself another large cappuccino.

However, it is important to note that not all decisions leading to failure to participate in an activity are the results of negative self –beliefs. For example, I have no inkling, whatsoever, to take up football training or play in a football team, and I am quite happy about this. This is not an example of a self-limiting belief serving to spoil my fun. I have no deeply held desire to be a world class footballer, therefore not achieving this never crosses my mind, makes me think ‘what if…’ or hanker after long-lost opportunities I may have passed on.

If a situation is causing you some consternation, if you are in the habit of thinking, ‘what if..’; or ‘I wish I had…” then the chances are that you have become a victim of your own self-limiting beliefs; that you have found yourself saying ‘no’ to an opportunity, when some part of you really wanted to say ‘yes please!’ Ultimately, the only person who can really let you down is yourself, and the person who wields the greatest power in your life, the only person who can give you what you really want, or take you to where you want to be - is YOU!

So be nice to yourself; give yourself a break and see what positive changes you can make, for your own benefit!